I reflect here as “Ruby” (pen name) on both my struggles and epiphanies as I slog about in the flotsam of the life I had wanted, while I learn to really live the life I actually have. The life I actually have has included horrific trauma and heartbreaking infertility and miscarriages. It has also included amazing educational experiences, exhilarating careers in scientific research and teaching, buoying love and companionship, and the pleasures of traveling and exploring, hiking, running, sailing, camping, reading, creating, cooking, listening to and playing music, and writing—always writing. My journal has been a constant companion since I was sixteen. Writing has allowed me to reveal and record and maneuver. Writing, along with reading and therapy, has revealed compelling, mind-walloping insights—the ones that blind side complacency I didn’t even know I had. Such revelations provided clarity, relief and hope to propel me forward. Blogging is a natural extension of journaling and provides me with connection and collaboration. Although I am writing primarily to find my own way, I acknowledge how we are all in this together, so it is also my earnest wish something here will ignite spark of clarity for you too.